Getting Out of Reverse
by amy1oM
Summary: In this Happiness continuation of sorts, Wilson learns what happened after he left Princeton - Spoilers for Season 4 finale Wilson's Heart, very AU after this
1. Chapter 1

******Getting Out of Reverse**

**Rating: **PG-13

**Spoilers: **Up to WILSON'S HEART of Season 4 and very very VERY AU after that. Also you should be warned a few minor Season 5 spoilers could be found here and there.

**Characters:** Wilson, Cuddy, House, Foreman, Kutner, Thirteen, Taub, Chase, Cameron, with some OCs

**Pairing(s):** House/Cuddy, House/Wilson (friendship), Wilson/Amber, Wilson/Cuddy (friendship)

**Beta(s): **​​KellyAnnie (chapter 1 only) & theviewfromhere with a very special thanks going out to my first readers capeofstorm, michelleann68, and everybodyliesmd – without their encouragement and feedback of these people this story never ever would've gotten finished or posted.

**A/N: **This is a work in progress (15,000 + words so far) that'll be updated as I get chapters finished/betaed but I have not a clue as to when the next chapter is going to be posted.

**0o0**

**-- chapter one**

"I think we've caught the cancer early enough, Mrs. Van den Akker, and I have every reason to believe Peter will make a full recovery once his treatments are completed." Wilson glanced over at the little boy who was busy playing with blocks in a corner of his office, oblivious to the fact they were talking about him due to his deafness.

Carol Van den Akker wiped a tear from her face and exclaimed, "Oh thank God!" she exclaimed.

Once the Van den Akkers had left Wilson decided to take an early lunch since the rest of his day would be insanely busy, with rounds after he finished with his patient meetings. But before he could take the first bite of his sandwich, the phone rang. Wilson sighed putting his food back down on his desk. The phone rang a second time as he wiped his hands while thinking. He never thought a day would come he'd prefer a House-style interruption to one so common-place as the phone ringing.

_But you wouldn't have come here if you hadn't wanted to find out about life's more common place interruptions,would you? _Wilson shook his head, clearing the thoughts from his mind as he finally snatched the phone up off the hook on the third ring. "James Wilson."

"Hi James, it's Lisa."

At the sound of Cuddy's voice, Wilson's mouth suddenly felt bone dry, and a sense of dread settled in the pit of his stomach. Right before he had left Princeton, Wilson had left his contact information with Cuddy, making the request that she wouldn't allow House or anyone associated with him, past or present, see it. He could tell she had been reluctant to make that promise, but he had made her promise, nevertheless. House wouldn't find out how to contact him through her.

Even when he had forced her to promise, somewhere in the back of his mind, Wilson had hoped House would steal it from her office. But his cruel words to House the last time they had seen each other had done their work well if the soul-crushing silence of the last six months was any indication. With every poison-laced syllable he had spoken, Wilson knew he had assured House probably wouldn't even have the heart to even make the effort to steal it out of Cuddy's office since there was no hope things between them could ever be made right again.

"Hello? Wilson, are you still there?"

The sound of Cuddy's voice brought him out of his thoughts, and Wilson closed his eyes. "You're calling because something's wrong. Something has happened to House." Her small but audible sigh from her told Wilson he had guessed right. He had a hard time keeping his voice clear of emotion when he asked, "How bad is it?" The solid lump in his throat prevented him from asking her if House was even alive.

_But Cuddy would be more upset if he was dead_, Wilson thought. _She'd be a lot more upset if he's dead_.

What happened?"

Cuddy spent the next ten minutes detailing what had happened to House. Wilson didn't say anything other than to ask questions here or there. She told him that House had been hit by a drunk driver late one night, and that the impact of the collision happened on the driver's side of the car. It was so bad, the EMTs had used the jaws of life to free him from the wreckage. He was trapped for almost an hour and had been conscious for most of the time.

Cuddy breathed in deeply before she continued, "House lost consciousness about fifteen minutes before the medics got to him. They reported en route to Princeton-Plainsboro House fell from twelve to five on the GCS. Since then he's fallen to four and has remained there for the past two months."

Wilson swore softly, allowing an uncomfortable silence to fall between them before he finally asked, "The coma isn't the worst thing that's happened to him since I left, it is?" He heard the sadness in her voice when she answered.

"No, it's not. He-" Her voice broke and she paused to steady it before answering him. "Wilson, he lost his left leg just below the knee." Cuddy waited for a response from him, but received only silence. His end was so quiet she thought he must have hung up on her. "James? Hello?"

"Uh, yeah, I'm here. Sorry," Wilson said.

She heard something that sounded like someone knocking on the wood of a desk's top before she heard his voice again.

"Dr. Cuddy, I'm very sorry but I have to go. My next patient has arrived. Thank you for the phone call. I hope House will get better soon, I really do. Goodbye." Wilson put down the phone before Cuddy could say another word, and covered his face with his hands. He stayed that way for several minutes, battling with the guilt he felt flooding him until he forced himself to begin his preparations for his next patient.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I would call this chapter semi-beta as one beta went over it but I would be more comfortable posting it if two had gone over it – oh well. This chapter is definitely going to be it for awhile since I am still trying to find someone who is willing to take on a fic that's probably going to be close to 17,000 words or more.

If there are any volunteers in this area please let me know. Also I will have some medical stuff in some of the future chapters – nothing as complicated as writing an actual differential diagnosis but I still want it to be as accurate as it can be so if you can help with that please contact me, thanks.

**--chapter two**

_House and his crises are not my responsibility anymore. Disasters like this one are the reason why I left in the first place_. _If Cuddy is so concerned about House then she can deal with the fallout from him losing his _good _leg, and what fallout there would be too! _Wilson pitied anyone who would have to deal with it but he also was relieved that this could not directly effect his life if he didn't want it to.

"Just like I'm letting it effect me now," Wilson muttered. "I've got work to do so that stops right now." He was surprised when that actually worked and he didn't give House another thought, at least not until during the last patient consultation he had for that day.

The patient had been a 16 year old boy named Donnie and had an osteosarcoma tumor growing just below his knee in the tibia of his right leg. Wilson carefully went over the steps that would be taken to treat Donnie's cancer, answering the questions his parents had as they discussed each step. The entire time they were talking Wilson noticed Donnie didn't once contribute to the discussion. It was about his leg and his treatment so before the meeting ended Wilson spoke directly to him.

"Donnie, do you have any concerns you want to talk to me about? Are there any questions you want to ask me about the surgery or any part of your treatment?" he asked.

Donnie nodded, "Yeah are you going to have to cut my leg off?" The boy was a promising young talent in his school's track program and who could blame him for wanting to know if he was about to have this part of his life taken away from him.

Although the teen hadn't used the word amputation in his question, House immediately invaded Wilson's thoughts again, and he didn't answer him.

"Uh, Dr. Wilson?"

Wilson smiled at him, "The good news is, Donnie, I believe your leg is going to be just fine."

The fear in the boy's eyes visibly melted and he smiled, "Thank you, Dr. Wilson."

"That's why I'm here," Wilson answered, forcing aside another memory of House the words had provoked.

The moment after Donnie and his parents were gone, Wilson made a call to another office in the hospital and once he had confirmed the person he wanted to see was available he left his office. Wilson nodded politely to the various new colleagues he passed in the halls but didn't slow down for any, not even for those who looked like they wanted to talk or ask him something. Since he had arrived at this hospital, Wilson had kept his interactions with the other doctors strictly work related. It wasn't he didn't want to have new personal relationships in his life but rather the fact he didn't feel ready for any so for now so he avoided them.

In just under two minutes later Wilson rounded the corner, and entered the reception area of the office of Dr. Reginald Thierry, the administrator of this hospital. Sean the assistant looked up from whatever he was typing to wave a meaty hand at Wilson, "You can go in, Dr. Wilson. Dr. Thierry is expecting you."

"Thanks, Sean." Wilson replied before proceeding on. He knocked softly but opened it as he hadn't expected an answer. He had been right too.

Behind his desk and talking on the phone sat Dr. Reginald "Reg" Thierry with a wistful smile on his face. He was intently listening to whomever was on the other end of the line. With a shake of a head that once had more red on it than the current grey , he motioned for Wilson to sit down across from him while he finished up his phone call. Dr. Thierry was a man in his early sixties and was as frail looking as his assistant looked like a world champion bodybuilder and linebacker rolled into one. But in the little time since he had known him, Wilson knew the man's looks were deceiving as he had one of the strongest, fiery spirits Wilson had ever encountered but it was also fieriness tempered by a great compassion for the sick children he fought to save.

The man smiled at him sheepishly at Wilson before he said gently into the phone, "Lacey, sweetheart, your Grampy has got to go." Pause. "Of course I'll see you this weekend." Pause. "I love you too, honey, and I'm proud of you, Tell your mother I love her too. Okay honey?" Pause. "All right. Bye, bye." He put the phone down and looked at Wilson. "My granddaughter got the lead in her school's play and was too excited to wait for the weekend to come to tell me."

Wilson nodded politely but didn't comment on it.

"So what can I do for you, Dr. Wilson?" Thierry asked after a moment.

Wilson was surprised by what he told Thierry as an answer. "I need to take the rest of the week off. The deal to sale my girlfriend's apartment. . ." Wilson paused to swallow down the painful lump in this throat that still came whenever he thought of or mentioned Amber, "fell through and the realtor has somethings he needs to see me about."

Thierry arched and eyebrow and laced his hands before him, laying them carefully on the desk. "James, I know you were the department head of Oncology at Princeton-Plainsboro and as such you reported directly to Dr. Cuddy, so it's been awhile since you were directly under someone besides the dean."

Wilson shook his head as he realized the other doctor's point. "I should have talked to Dr. Parker instead. I'm sorry about my mistake and that I've taken up your time, Dr. Thierry."

Dr. Thierry motioned for him to sit back down again. "You made an honest mistake, Dr. Wilson, and no harm has been done." He gestured towards a corner of his office where an electric kettle was set up. "I'm going to make myself a cup of tea. Would you like some?"

"Yes, thank you."

Silence reigned in the office while the older doctor prepared their tea. He only spoke to ask Wilson what he liked in his tea. A short time later he sat back down with two steaming mugs of hot tea and he watched Wilson cool it off by blowing on it a few seconds before he asked, "So how are you finding things at this hospital?"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** This chapter is subject to be edited if my medical advisor thinks it's needed**.**

**-- ****chapter three**

It was a little after 2PM when Wilson walked into the lobby of Princeton-Plainsboro and headed straight for the elevators. He didn't need to stop to ask which room House was because he just assumed they'd have him in the ICU. He also didn't he spare a glance in the direction of Cuddy's office to check to see if she was in there. He just kept walking until he reached the elevators and was grateful when no one called out to him before the doors could close behind him.

But there were eyes watching him that Wilson had failed to notice that followed him until the elevator doors had closed, and then a hand reached out to pick up the front desk's phone rapidly dialing numbers. "This is Renee from Oncology. Tell Dr. Cuddy I just saw I just saw Dr. Wilson walk through the main lobby to the elevators." _And without a doubt heading straight for ICU._

*/*  
"All right thank you. I'll tell her." Chase replaced the phone and looked at Cuddy as a frown formed on his face. "Wilson is here in the hospital and is on his way up to the ICU." Foreman turned his head to look at Chase while continuing on with his examination and he refrained from making any comments.

Cuddy moved over to the door, and turned back to ask Foreman, "Are you almost done?"

Foreman nodded, "Yeah, just give me a few more minutes to finish." Cuddy nodded and went out into the hallway to wait for Wilson.

"What do you think Wilson wants?" Chase asked.

Foreman just kept on working as though he didn't hear the question.

"Right," Chase said, and got up to leave the room. "I'll see you both later."

*/*

As Wilson entered the ICU he immediately spotted Cuddy standing outside of a room, and he knew then he hadn't made it through the lobby unseen. Although he was glad to see her, the smile that appeared on his face felt forced nevertheless since he had hoped to see House alone first thing off.

Cuddy was smiling as she pulled away from a hug, and looked at him. She thought he looked tired but she decided that was probably from the flight over. She noticed a smile had appeared on his face when he saw her but she also noticed the smiled didn't seem to reach his eyes as it would have in the past. *"It's good to see you. . ."

"And you."

"You seem surprised to see me here," Wilson observed.

Cuddy nodded, "I am a little."

As Wilson watched, Chase slipped by them without giving either of them a glance. Turning back to Cuddy he asked,"Why? You didn't think I'd come. That's it isn't it?"

"It's more like I didn't expect to for you to come here this soon although I had hoped you would."

"Well I-"

Foreman emerged from House's room and walked over towards them. "Good to see you again, Dr. Wilson."

"Likewise."

Foreman glanced at Cuddy who nodded for him to go ahead, "Although House seemed a little more responsive today to pain stimuli, I think his coma remains at four on the GCS." The other two doctors released discouraged sighs at this and Foreman took a deep breath before he continued, "His temperature is also slightly elevated above normal so I asked a nurse to collect blood samples to test for pneumonia and other infections."

Cuddy nodded, "Hopefully you caught whatever it is in time before it could become too serious."

"Yeah let's hope," Foreman agreed before adding, "Now if you'll excuse me I'm on clinic duty for the next couple of hours."

"Thank you, Foreman," Cuddy said. She waited until he was gone before asking, "Would you like to go in now?"

Wilson nodded, "Yeah I would."

Cuddy led the way into House's room with Wilson following behind her. He thought he had prepared himself for the sight that would greet him in the room but with one step inside, Wilson knew he wasn't anywhere nearly prepared as he had thought he was. House looked not only sick and pale but also very small in the hospital bed. But the most unnerving thing though was not tall the monitors or the feeding tube. The thing that unnerved Wilson the most was seeing the thin blankets lay flat against the bed where House's left leg should have been. He spent several minutes staring at it while Cuddy washed her hands and put on gloves in preparations to give House he own examination.

She had approached the bed and had laid a hand on House's forehead before Wilson shook himself out of the stunned daze he had been in. "He's a little warm."

"While we're waiting for the results on his blood work. It might not hurt to go ahead and start him on board spectrum antibiotics," Wilson suggested.

Cuddy nodded, "I'll put a hurry on the blood work but we'll go ahead and start the antibiotics. Let's pray if it's pneumonia that it's bacterial instead of viral."

Wilson agreed, sitting down in one of the room chair's to let her finish up in silence while his eyes wonder around the room. Amused puzzlement curled his lips upwards as his eyes fell on a pile of medical journals and he wondered if they were for what he thought they were for. When Cuddy sat down across from him in the room's other chair he picked up one of the books, and held it up. "You do know when he wakes up and sees these he'll call you morons before proceeding to mock you all for your concern."

Cuddy smiled, "Of course he will. I'm counting on it."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ****Special thanks to theviewfromhere and Bonomania for the beta job!**

**-- chapter four**

Despite the fact he told Cuddy that upon waking House would mock all of them, Wilson had occupied the long hours of sitting with his comatose former best friend by reading aloud. Cuddy along with House's staff (current and past) had left quite a collection of medical journals in the room for this purpose. The collection included journals on anything from the strange, rare ailments such as might interest House if he were awake trying to solve one of his medical puzzles to things he had no interests in like pediatrics or psychiatry.

The idea was to keep House's mind active by giving it stimulated, even if that stimulation were nothing more than his inane soaps.

*/*

Wilson read aloud until his eyes started to water from sheer exhaustion and the words began to swimming in the blur before him. But even as after he had set the journals, and silence filled the room, Wilson found he still couldn't talk to House. When he could not stand the silence any longer, Wilson grabbed the remote control and turned on the television. After a bit of channel surfing, Wilson settled on a movie and got as comfortable as the plastic chair would allow.

The next thing Wilson knew a hand was gently shaking his shoulder and a voice quietly called his name.

Cuddy stood by the chair looking down on Wilson. She straightened up when she saw his eyes open and her voice was soft as she spoke, "Hey why don't you come to my house and take the guest room while you're here?"

Wilson stretched, rubbing the back of his neck to get the creak out, and he looked over at House before he answered her, "I appreciate the offer but I called the building manager and arranged for the power/utilities to be turned on so I can stay in the apartment while I'm here."

Cuddy knew without asking the "apartment" he spoke about had once been Amber's and while she questioned the wisdom of him staying there for the duration of his visit, Cuddy also knew she couldn't say anything about it. "All right then since visiting hours ended some time ago why don't you head there?"

As if on cue Wilson had to cover his mouth to hide the yawn that came on. "Yeah that's probably a good idea." He slipped into his jacket. "I'll walk out with you."

Cuddy nodded. "Goodnight, House. Come back to us soon."

"'Night, House."

They said very little to each other on the trip down to the parking lot, and they were silent as they parted company when they reached their cars. Ten minutes later Wilson sat outside the apartment that became his when Amber died and he regretted not taking Cuddy up on her offer. He just stayed in his car for some time before he made himself get out and collect his luggage from the trunk.

The walk up the few stairs in front was more difficult than he remembered it being, and the simple act of opening the apartment's door felt almost impossible but he made it inside at last. Once inside Wilson realized coming here had been a mistake because everywhere he looked Amber's essence surrounded, enveloped him and it caused his mostly buried grief to break past its barriers to overwhelm him.

When tears filled his eyes Wilson didn't fight to keep them there. He took a seat on the couch and just looked around the room. Except for the dust covers on the furniture, he had left everything pretty much where Amber had left the last time she was here because to move would be an acknowledgment she was really gone. Even now he wasn't certainly he wasn't ready to believe she was really gone forever.

His eyes continued to look around the room and was relieved to see the door to the bedroom was still closed. It was one of the last things he did in the apartment and he was grateful he did because like he had been then Wilson knew he couldn't handle dealing with their room. He spent nearly an hour on the couch just letting the grief wash over him as he hasn't in months and he remembered how much he had loved Amber.

Then afterwards sheer exhaustion and numbness caused Wilson to be on auto pilot as he pulled out a blanket from a closet to make the couch up into a bed. He hadn't been on the couch for five minutes when he remembered one of the reasons why this couch should not be used as a bed. It was fine for the quiet evenings at home spent cuddling while watching the chick flick romances _she_ had loved but it felt like a rock when you tried to sleep on it for anything besides a nap.

Forty minutes later even as bone weary tired as he was Wilson realized if he spent the night on the couch he wouldn't be getting any sleep at all. He briefly contemplated spending the night on the floor but then he remembered the half night he had spent on it after he discovered he didn't like water beds after all. Amber had come out from the room, and had laid with him on the floor for while before she convinced him to go back to bed with her.

Sitting up on the couch now he would swear he could hear hear her voice calling out to him. _James, why are you out _there? He could hear the laugh in her voice. _James, I miss you_. By the time he thought he heard the bedroom door open Wilson was turning the lock on the front door.

He drove what he thought to be aimlessly for awhile, with the objective to look for an unfamiliar hotel to spend the night and perhaps the week at. However before he realized where he was going he had turned down Cuddy's street and had parked in front of her house. Even though it was getting a little late Wilson saw some of the lights were still on in Cuddy's house so he got out and walked up to the door, knocking only after a little hesitation.

A surprised Cuddy opened the door a few seconds later. She saw the evidence of the tears on his face and so she asked, "Wilson, is something wrong?" She was dressed in a night gown and silky robe that she was holding closed with one hand.

"Did I wake you?"

"Oh, no. I was just about to head to bed but I wasn't there yet."

"Uh is the offer of your spare room still open?" he asked, his hand rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"Of course it is!" she said, allowing the door to open fully. "Come on in."

"Okay, thank you. I just need to get my stuff from the car."

"All right, I'll leave the front door open for you. Just be sure to please lock up once you're inside."

Wilson entered the house a minute later and after taking a second to lock the door as she had asked, he walked down the hall towards the part of the house he knew had her guest room and discovered Cuddy in there tucking clean sheets onto the mattress. He set the suitcase down quickly on the floor and stepped further into the room to halt her. "Here let me do that!" He immediately set about righting the sheets and Cuddy released the corner of it she was holding.

Stifling a yawn Cuddy turned back at the door to tell him, "If you need another blanket they're out in the hallway closet."

"Okay, thanks."

"Goodnight, Wilson."

**"Goodnight."**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N 1: **My many thanks to **theviewfromhere** and **Bonomania **for the beta job on this chapter! And an especially HUGE thanks to **drstrangelove12** for being my medical advisor!

**A/N 2: **This is likely the last chapter for awhile as I have yet to finish Chapter 6.

**-- chapter five**

It was a little after nine when Wilson woke up the next morning, and he was glad he had slept so late because he knew Cuddy would have already left for work. He was certain she'd want to know what had happened to make him leave the apartment and he didn't feel ready to talk about that first thing in the morning. So he was very surprised when, after half an hour, he walked out from the bathroom into the kitchen to find Cuddy sitting at the table, reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee and a half eaten bagel within reach.

Wilson only slowed down for a second at the sight of her before he continued onto the coffee pot and poured up a mug, "Good morning."

Cuddy looked up from the paper. "Oh good morning! How did you sleep?"

"Good actually."

"I'm glad to hear that," Cuddy said as she folded up the paper. "I imagine you're surprised to see me still here." Wilson nodded but didn't say anything as he sipped his coffee. "Well, for the last few months things have been so quiet at the hospital. I've been able to take the occasional morning to arrive for work a little later than usual." There was no need for her to say she was able to do so because House was lying comatose in the ICU. It also didn't need to be said she'd gladly give _up_ those late mornings if he'd just wake up from his coma. He could see it in her face.

Silence fell over the kitchen until Cuddy said, "If you're hungry, I've got a few eggs in the refrigerator and some bagels in the freezer."

"Just the coffee is fine, thanks." Wilson sat down and reached for a section of the newspaper Cuddy had already finished. He was more than a little relieved when she resumed reading her share of the paper without trying to start a conversation with him. Five minutes of quiet passed before Cuddy gathered her dishes and walked over to put them into the sink. He thought she'd simply wash them and then probably leave for work, but instead she turned to face him at the sink once they had been washed.

"Can I ask you something?" Cuddy began.

Wilson took a breath and released it slowly before he answered, "Sure."

"Do you want my spare door key?" Cuddy had been about to ask him what happened at the apartment, but the apprehension on his face changed her mind. Besides, it didn't take much to figure out the reason he hadn't stayed was because his grief for Amber was still too raw.

Wilson couldn't keep the surprised confusion from his face, but he responded, "I- well, sure. Thank you." He hoped she heard the gratitude in his voice that she didn't ask her original question.

Cuddy smiled and fished out a key from her purse. She laid it on the table and gathered up her things. "I've got an eleven o'clock meeting to get to, so I'll see you later at the hospital."

"Later."

0o0

Since his first surgery was scheduled for late that afternoon and Cameron had a double shift, Chase had decided he'd spend an hour or two with House. After a quick stop to the cafeteria to get a bottle of water, Chase stepped onto the floor of the ICU, nodding at the nurses as he passed them by. Chase believed he had picked a good time to come because he thought he'd avoided coming at a time when Wilson was also there. He continued to think that until he set foot inside the room and saw Wilson seated in the corner chair not visible from outside the door.

Chase's smile quickly melted into a thin line of annoyance and anger. He didn't particularly want to talk or deal with Wilson anymore than he really had to so he decided to back out of the room as quietly as he could. Chase spun around on his heel, ready to fly out of there as fast as his legs would allow, but instead of making a clean getaway he rammed straight into one of the nurses, who went sprawling into the wall opposite from him – where he struggled to keep his _own_ balance. Aware Wilson had to have been alerted to his presence; Chase sheepishly apologized to the nurse and helped her to regain her balance.

Chase didn't spare a glance backwards at House's room, but instead picked up the water bottle he'd dropped in the scuffle and headed towards the elevators. He'd actually made it inside one of the cars and the doors were closing when a hand came between them and forced them to open back up again. Chase resisted the urge to roll his eyes in annoyance when Wilson joined him in the elevator. Chase would have been content to allow their joint ride pass in silence, but Wilson surprised him by suddenly pressing the stop button, and turning to address him.

"You've been avoiding me."

Chase bit back the House-like answer that came to mind and simply nodded an affirmative response to Wilson's statement. He had hoped Wilson would let it go at that, but there was no such luck for Chase today as his former colleague decided to press the issue.

"You're angry with me, aren't you?"

Chase didn't really want to have this conversation with Wilson, so he reached out to punch the button to start the elevator up again. He didn't bother to hide the anger or disgust he felt when he looked in Wilson's direction, "Yeah, yeah I am." The elevator doors opened and Chase stepped out, relieved, sure the unwanted conversation was at an end.

But it seemed Wilson wasn't ready to let it go. He followed Chase out of the elevator, and halted a second when he realized what floor they were on. The surprise didn't last long, however, when he realized Chase was headed towards the differential going on in the diagnostics conference room. He hurried and caught up with him just as Chase had put his hand on the door to open it. "Why? Do you blame me for House's coma?"

Chase froze and looked to see if anyone in the room had heard what Wilson had said and saw four pairs of eyes turned in his direction. He nodded an apology to Foreman who was running the diagnostics department in House's absence and walked towards Wilson. Chase had opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it when he noticed quite a few people were moving about the corridor. Wilson had also taken notice of the people around them and without a word he led Chase back in the direction of his old office. The sight of another doctor's name on the door really wasn't enough to stop him from seeing if the office was occupied or from going in when it was indeed vacant.

Chase was only momentarily bothered with their intrusion of the office and quickly got over it when Wilson finally looked at him again. His anger returned full force and he said what he'd been wanting to say for over a minute now. "You asked if I blamed you for House's coma. Of course not! That's absurd! I don't blame you for his coma because what happened to put House in it wasn't your fault." _Not this time around anyway, _Chase thought bitterly, thinking of the coma that had resulted from the ill advised deep brain stimulation session.

"Then why are you so angry?" Wilson asked.

"You want to know why I am angry? All right I'll tell you why. To start with, even though I think you had every right to be angry with House for what happened to Amber, I also think he can only be blamed up to a certain point. I'm angry because House risked not only his life, but also his mind, trying to save her life. And then you left. So obviously, what he did, it meant _nothing _to you. Absolutely nothing."

Chase paused to take a breath before he continued, "Then, as if blaming him for her death wasn't enough, you made him feel worthless before you left."

"He said that? House actually told you _that_?"

Chase rolled his eyes and folded his arms across his chest, "Of course he didn't just tell me or Cameron or Cuddy or any of us _that_! But after hearing what you said to him, you don't have to be a genius to know he felt completely abandoned by someone who was supposed to be his best friend."

Pushing aside the impulse to argue with Chase that House wasn't like everyone else when it came to emotions, he instead asked him, "How do you know what I said before I left? Weren't you in surgery for most of that day?"

"I was, but I didn't have to be anywhere near your office to know what you said to him."

"I see the PPTH rumor mill is still alive and going on as strong as ever," Wilson said sarcastically.

"It's only part of the rumor mill because Cameron told me about it. But _she_ heard about what happened from Kutner and Hadley. They were next door in the conference room and overheard enough of what you said to House."

"Dr. Chase, what the devil are you doing in my office?" asked a feminine voice. Both men were startled at the interruption and turned to see a petite woman with graying hair and black, thick-rimmed glass sitting on the tip of her nose glaring at them. When she didn't get an answer, the woman's mouth became a displeased, thin line on her face and she prompted, "Well?"

Wilson stepped forward so she could see him, "I'm sorry, Dr. Xanthopoulos, there was something I wanted to ask Dr. Chase and I brought him in here without really thinking. This used to be my office."

Dr. Xanthopoulos's eyes turned towards him, "You're Dr. Wilson then. I heard you were back at the hospital-"

Wilson quickly cut in. "But not to reclaim my practice here if that's what you're thinking."

Chase let out a disgusted grunt at this and said, "If you'll excuse me, there are other more useful things I should be doing. Please, Dr. Xanthopoulos, I'm sorry about the intrusion into your office. It won't happen again." He quickly brushed past her and left the office leaving Wilson to face the hospital's most senior oncologist alone.

Dr. Xanthopoulos sat down behind her desk once Chase was gone and opened up the file that had been in her hand. "As much as I'd like to talk with you, Dr. Wilson, my first appointment will be coming in about five minutes. Could we meet before you go back home?"

Wilson nodded, "I expect to be in town for the rest of the week, at least." He pulled a card from his pocket and laid it on her desk, "Here's my cell phone number for whenever you're free to meet with me."

"Thank you." It was all she said. An acknowledgment _and_ a dismissal.

Wilson turned in the direction of Diagnostics, curious if Chase had gone back there after leaving him alone with Dr. Xanthopoulos. House's team had dispersed by now, probably going to run whatever tests Foreman had assigned, and Chase was nowhere in sight. Foreman was sitting with his back to Wilson, staring at the whiteboard, looking a lot like House would be if he wasn't lying unconscious in a bed downstairs. With that thought in his mind, Wilson turned around and headed towards the elevators. He knew he had wasted enough time on Chase.

**A/N 3: **Please consider leaving a comment or two.

**A/N 4: ** Vote in the poll I've set up here on in my profile: .net/u/183859/Lomeinie#


	6. Chapter 6

_To the reviewer under the name of "Suann" I would welcome your help as I am contemplating writing one more story for this verse that would cover what happens to House post coma. Please if you can PM me or contact me at this email address: **lomeinie at gmail dot com **_

**-- chapter six **

Later that evening, Dr. Xanthopoulos called Wilson to ask if he could meet with her around 10:30 the following morning. Wilson had said yes because he sensed she really wanted the opportunity to talk with her predecessor. Their meeting lasted for about half an hour and it only took a few minutes for Wilson to decide that, although the woman didn't seem to have a sense of humor, she also spoke about her patients in a way that showed she cared about them.

"There's one more thing I wanted to ask you to do if you would please," Xanthopoulos said when their meeting was almost over. "Call it a professional favor if you wish."

"What is it?"

"Dr. Wilson, I know the reason you came back for a visit was because of the situation with Dr. House," she paused and he nodded. "There are about half a dozen of your former patients currently receiving treatment in the Oncology ward and if you could find the time to visit them while you're here I would be grateful. I believe it would help them since they've asked about you."

Wilson nodded. "Of course I will. Which patients?"

Dr. Xanthopoulos listed off several patient names that Wilson was indeed familiar with, the last name on that list making his heart sink with sadness.

Wilson sighed before asking, "Tammi's back again?" Xanthopoulos just nodded . Tammi Andersen had first been his patient when she was twenty seven years old and diagnosed with breast cancer. She'd been in remission for the last two and a half years. Wilson pushed the lump in his throat down to ask, "How serious is her prognosis?"

Dr. Xanthopoulos sighed, "It's not good, I'm afraid. The cancer spread into her lymph nodes, then from there it metastasized into the upper and middle lobes of her left lung." Wilson suggested a few treatments he could think of right off the top of his head, but he knew more than likely any treatment tried now would only be tried in an effort to prolong her life by a few months.

"I promise you I will most definitely go to visit Tammi before I leave town," Wilson said.

Dr. Xanthopoulos gave the first genuine smile Wilson had seen from her. "Thank you."

*/*

Wilson had taken the next few hours after leaving his meeting with Dr. Xanthopoulos to visit his former patients as she had requested. He decided to save his visit with Tammi Andersen until last because he knew it would be the most difficult as well as the most meaningful.

One of the things Wilson would always remember the most about his first time meeting with Tammi and her husband was her hair. She had such glorious, honey colored locks that ran all the way down her back and past her buttocks. He had never seen a more lovely mane of hair on a woman before and it had truly saddened him when he had told her she'd have to have chemotherapy _after_ what most likely be a double mastectomy.

_Tammi's response to the news she was going to lose her beautiful hair had both amazed and touched him. While holding onto a thick strand of hair she had smiled sadly and said, "I suppose I'll just have a head shave party and donate all this to Locks of Love."_

"_But, honey, there might be a chance you won't lose your hair because of the chemo. There is a chance she won't lose it. Right, Dr. Wilson?" Todd Andersen asked, looking so hopeful as he spoke._

_Wilson_ _sighed, "I'm sorry,_ _I wish I could say you might not lose your hair from the chemotherapy but I can't. In fact because of the type of treatment you'll need after the surgery, hair loss isn't so much a possibly as it is a most probably."_

"_Then the shaving party is on! I mean someone might as well get the use of my hair if I can't right?"_

Now Wilson was standing just outside of Tammi's door trying to prepare himself mentally for what he knew waited inside the room. He knew very well the woman inside was dying; there was no question about it after what Dr. Xanthopoulos had told him about Tammi's condition. She was literally at the point where the only thing they could do for her was to make sure she was kept comfortable – the cancer was definitely going to win the battle for her life. Aware that at least two nurses were watching him, Wilson finally knocked gently on the door and heard a male voice softly grant him permission to enter the room. Wilson made sure he had replaced any sadness he was feeling at her situation with a soft smile on his face before he pushed open the door.

Tammi laid with her back towards the door, and Todd sat in a chair by her side, one of his strong hands holding onto her frail one while the other one was stroking her arm. He looked up and smiled when he saw it was Wilson who had entered. Todd leaned closer and said, "Look who just walked into the room." Wilson had walked to the foot of the bed, and Tammi's face lit up with a smile when she saw him.

"Hi, Dr. Wilson," she said, her voice so weak it was barely above a whisper. "They told us you weren't working in this hospital anymore."

"I'm not. I just came back here for. . . a consult with another doctor," Wilson said.

At hearing this Tammi's smile fell a little but only a little, "Oh."

Todd spoke before she could say anything asking, "So where are you working at now, Dr. Wilson?" He kissed her hand lightly trying to distract her from her disappointment.

"I'm working at a children's cancer treatment and research hospital just outside of Tempe, Arizona."

"The kids there sure are lucky to have you as one of their doctors."

Wilson ran a hand through his hair. ) "No, I'm certain it's really the other way around." At the same moment the last word left his mouth, Wilson realized what he had said so he quickly added, "I wish I could have met all of my patients under different circumstances where they didn't have a life threatening illness, I know I've been so very privileged to have been entrusted with their care, with their very lives."

"Even so, I still say those kids are lucky to have you," Tammi said.

Wilson smiled in reply this time and said, "Thank you."

Todd gestured at the rooms other chair, "Please sit and stay a little while."

Before he had entered into the first room of any of his former patients, Wilson had made the decision that he wouldn't stay long since he didn't want to tire them out. He kept this in mind when he sat down in the offered chair, determining silently that he would keep the remainder of his visit with Tammi brief. "So how is your son, Neil?"

Tammi's eyes lit up at the mention of her son's name. "He's five now and will be starting kindergarten very soon."

Todd's face was almost split in two with the huge grin he had on his face. "He's getting to be such a big boy now, or so he thinks. When he graduated from his pre-K class you would've thought it was from Princeton University instead." For the next ten minutes they filled him in on their son along with other noteworthy things about their lives, so when there was a lull in the conversation Wilson saw an opportunity to slip out. He had been about to do so when Tammi spoke again.

"Please tell me why you decided to leave this hospital ? Why did you go out to Arizona?'

Todd responded to the question first, "Tam, honey, don't you think that's a little too personal ?"

She nodded, "I'm sorry if it's a little too personal, but I'd really like to know why you left." Her eyes stayed on Wilson the entire time she was speaking. "What happened to you?"

As he listened to them talk to each other, a massive lump rose up in his throat, so when Tammi spoke directly to him Wilson could little more than stare at her while trying to force air past the lump. Wilson knew the only thing that kept him from leaving this room without saying another word to Tammi was the fact she was dying and didn't have much time left.

He was surprised when he heard his own voice actually answering what she had asked him. "My girlfriend. . .died in this hospital." In the next several minutes_,_ neither broke their stunned silence while he shared the story of what had happened, and once again he surprised himself when he did not omit any of the details.

"Oh, Dr. Wilson, I am so sorry for your loss!" Tammi said after he finished. "Todd's right, I shouldn't have asked something so personal!"

Tears accompanied the lump that re-lodged itself in his throat and this time, because Wilson couldn't manage to force any sound from his mouth, he just nodded a 'thank you' to her.

Tammi reached for her husband's hand, squeezing it before she continued, "I can't imagine what I'd do or how I could get through this without Todd, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have if he hadn't been there for me." Her eyes left Wilson long enough to cast a tearful look at her husband. "But I also can't imagine how I would've gotten through this without the incredible support of our friends."

Now Wilson was confused. "I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to say."

"You said that your best friend was directly responsible for setting into motion the events that led to your girlfriend's death. I can understand the need to get away from that friend and even not seeing that person as your friend any longer. I also understand the inability to continue to work in the same building where someone you loved died. But I don't understand how you can stand isolating yourself from everyone you care about and everyone that cares for you here."

Her words echoed into a thirty second silence that ended when Todd spoke. What he said surprised Wilson, since the last thing he had said had been a mild rebuke to his wife and he really expected to hear more of the same from Todd. "While I don't agree with the exact way Tammi put what she said, and while I am sorry if what was said is once again too personal, I do agree with the spirit behind what she said."

Wilson realized they had spoken out of concern for him so he felt no anger at them for straying so far into personal territory. "Maybe you're right, and maybe I shouldn't have left everyone and everything behind. But during the time I made the decision to leave, I was hurting too much over Amber's death. I also couldn't bear to keep on working in the hospital where she died and because of other. . . circumstances surrounding her death."

Wilson glanced at his watch and stood up, "I should go so you can rest. I've stayed for far too long."

"Thank you so much for coming to see me," Tammi said.

The smile Wilson gave her was a sad one, "It was my privilege, Tammi."

"Uh would you mind if I asked you for a hug before you leave, Dr. Wilson?"

"Of course not," he replied, drawing closer to the bed and wrapping his arms carefully around her frail body.

A moment before he pulled away she whispered, "Please remember me."

"Always." He pulled away from her and nodded a goodbye before turning to leave the room.

"Goodbye, Dr. Wilson."

*/*

During the few minutes it took for him to get from the oncology ward to the ICU, Wilson spent that time thinking over what the Andersens had said to him. He knew some other people probably would have found it offensive that two people he didn't know outside a professional level should give him advice concerning his personal life. Instead, it amazed him that Tammi was someone whose body had been ravaged by cancer and was living her last days too young, her husband faced with the fact he would soon have to raise their son alone, yet they had still shown concern for _his_ well-being.

The doors opened and the chaos on the other side of them quickly vanished any lingering thoughts he had about Tammi. Fear that it was House gripped his heart. Wilson picked up his pace, hurrying to find out which room was the origin of the chaos – he knew very well he was hearing the aftermath of a patient having coded. Wilson picked up his pace getting to his former friend's room, where the sight of two of House's fellows engaged in resuscitation efforts greeted him. Kutner had bagged House while Taub administered compressions until one of the nurses handed him the defibrillator paddles.

"Clear!" he called, and waited for Kutner to pull his hands away before he sent the electrical charge through House's body.

Kutner looked at the monitor and checked for a pulse. "No change. He's still in v-fib."

"Go again," Taub said.

"Charging," responded the nurse.

"Clear." Taub sent another jolt though House's body and again Kutner indicated there was no change. "Charge to 360 and clear." He discharged the electricity again.

"There's still no change."

This time it was Taub who said it, and he began administering chest compressions before ordering "1cc Epinephrine stat." One of the nurses administered the Epinephrine in the IV port while Taub kept going with the chest compressions. Once she was done, he reached for the paddles and again ordered, "Charge to 360 and clear."

_Come on, House, come on, _Wilson thought. _Don't let it end this way._

Kutner smiled with relief when he looked at the monitor. "Sinus rhythm's returned to normal."

They placed a cooling blanket over him and injected a muscle relaxant when House's body began to shiver in an effort to fight the sudden drop in temperature. At the precise moment they had gotten his temperature down to 33 degrees Celsius, Cuddy laid a hand on Wilson's shoulder to let him know she was there before she passed him and went into House's room.

"What happened?" she asked.

Taub shrugged, "We were getting a patient settled in the unit when the nurse called a code blue." He continued on to summarize much of what Wilson had witnessed from the doorway.

"We should trach him," Kutner said after Taub finished.

"Whoa, hold on!" Wilson said, and all three pairs of eyes turned to him. "Traching someone who hasn't shown any signs of respiratory distress is a serious step."

Kutner nodded in agreement, "But it's possible he could eventually develop respiratory distress."

"What are you thinking, Dr. Kutner?" Cuddy asked.

"House went into v-fib, an arrhythmia that can be induced when the patient develops sepsis from a primary infection like pneumonia."

"Then confirm the sepsis with a blood test before you go cutting a hole in his throat."

Kutner looked at Cuddy and she nodded, "I'll go get the nurse."

"I'll go check on _our_ patient," Taub said following him out.

"Kutner has learned a lot from House, and his diagnosis is likely the correct one," Cuddy said once they were alone. "I also think he's being far more objective about House's condition than you are at this moment."

Wilson sighed, rubbing his eyes, "You're right. I'm not very objective at this moment and I'm sorry. But it's hard to be when I see House laying in this bed with wires and tubes running in and out of him."

"And I imagine seeing the defibrillator used on him didn't help either," Cuddy said.

"No, no it didn't."

"Even so, there are a few things you should remember. First, House appointed me his medical proxy after you. . . left, so while I respect your input as a colleague and as a friend, legally I have the final say about the steps that will be taken to treat him ." Cuddy paused, taking in a breath before she went on. "Second, while you were _once _one of the doctors on staff here, that's no longer the case. You're here as his friend and that's all. You need to trust us and let _us _worry about his treatment."

Wilson nodded. "You're right about more than one thing. I'm sorry for any overstepping I've done, and for the record I _do_ trust you."

Cuddy's pager went off at that moment and she swore under her breath as she looked at it. "I have to go. Are you going to stay with him?"

"Yeah, for a little while."

"Okay, I'll be back later."

Wilson pulled a chair up to House's bedside, sat down, and didn't speak another word until the nurse who came to collect the blood sample for the lab had left the room. For a long time after they were alone again, Wilson could only stare at House's unnaturally still form, struggling to begin saying what he knew was overdue in being said. When he finally began speaking, his voice was a little shaky from both nervousness and emotion.

"Uh, I wish I knew where or how to begin this. . ." he laughed nervously, "Oh I wish you were awake to stop me from embarrassing us both with my over emotional words by your trademark scathing sarcasm." He paused, watching House, but of course he received no response so after he inhaled a steadying breath he continued. "Part of the reason I decided to leave here was because I knew it would hurt you in the process. I was hurting so much that I wanted you to hurt too, and the only way I knew to do that was to shut you out of my life completely."

He paused and stood up so he could look down at House as he spoke. "Amber's death still hurts and I'll be dealing with it for awhile to come, but over the last four months I've come to realize that shutting you out of my life doesn't only hurt you, it hurts me too. hurts not only you but me too. House, I'm sorry for hurting you by leaving and I'm sorry I hurt you with what I said when I left, but as sorry as I am, I'm not all that sure I could come back here either."

*/*

**A/N: **There's a sort of reference to movie **Dead Poets Society** that **Robert Sean Leonard** was in when he was younger and played one of the main characters. Can anyone find it?

Oh if you've not seen **Dead Poets Society** then I highly recommend it as it's not nearly as boring as the title seems to imply and it's become one of my favorite movies.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: ****Proceeding on the advice of my beta bonomania I've decided to post this chapter as is. Enjoy since the next update isn't likely to happened until I've made the halfway mark with writing Chapter 11. **

**-- chapter seven**

Cuddy lightly touched Wilson's arm, drawing his attention back to her, "Can I speak with you alone?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sure." To his surprise, Cuddy not only led him out into the corridor, but into a nearby empty room where she closed the door behind them. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong but I need to know how long you're planning to stay," Cuddy asked.

Wilson shrugged, "Since Foreman seems to think House will wake up sometime within the next day or so, I think I could stay here for a few more days after that."

Cuddy's tone was flat. "But only for a few days after he wakes up."

"You know, I'm not entirely sure I understand what your point is here."

"My point," Cuddy began, "is that if you can't or won't stay more than a few days, I think it's better that you leave now before he wakes up and sees you."

Wilson's hands settled themselves on his hips, and disbelief colored his voice when he asked, "Are you actually worried that I might hurt House if I don't stay?"

Cuddy nodded. "There's no might or maybe to it. You _will_ hurt him if he sees you and you're not going to stay."

Wilson thought for a second before he asked, "Were you sleeping with him before the accident?"

Cuddy's mouth opens and closes a few times before she trusts herself to speak, "That is none of your business!"

"But I'm right, aren't I? You were together before the accident!" Wilson retorted, "Before you say it's not my business again, let me remind you if things hadn't. . . changed like they did between us, he would have made your relationship very much my business whether or not I wanted to know the details!"

"But that's only if things between you hadn't changed and they have changed, Wilson." When she spoke the next part he could hear the hurt in her voice, "In fact things have changed so dramatically that he actually told me you said you hate him."

_  
I hate you, House, like I've never hated anyone before in my life. You are a cancer on the human race, and you deserve every second of the misery you've created for yourself._

Wilson's eyes dropped to the floor as he remembered the venomous words he'd said to his former friend. At the time he had said them he'd been so angry with House and couldn't stand the thought that he had survived to go on with his life while Amber had lost hers. Even at the moment he was speaking the words, Wilson knew he had been trying to do the most damage he could. He had wanted to hurt House so much that he had gone for blood with his words.

Raising his eyes to look at her again he asked, "House told you that I said I hated him?" Cuddy only nodded in her confirmation. "Well I guess things _have_ changed since I left." House opening up and sharing with another person something not only personal to him but painful made Wilson shake his head at the concept feeling like he had fallen into a parallel universe. While he was trying to wrap his head around the concept, his next question came to mind. "Lisa, if House told you about what I said to him then why did you call to tell me he had fallen into a coma?"

Cuddy's voice was soft when she answered, "Because I had hoped when you said what you said, it was your anger and grief over losing Amber more than actual hatred doing the talking. I called because maybe I hoped that you still actually had it in you to care about him in some small way."

Wilson's head dropped again, and this time he rubbed the back of his neck with one hand saying, "I do care about him or I wouldn't have come back here."

"But you still won't stay," Cuddy said, her voice flat once again.

"I can't, and it's not because I'm still angry with him or because resent him. I can't stay because I'm starting to. . . rebuild something for myself in Arizona. I wouldn't call it a life right at this moment, but every day I spend out there just living is hurting less and less."

Wilson then began to tell her about some of the children he'd been treating and the people he was now working with. At the Desert Hope Cancer Center for Children, he wasn't a department head like he had been at PPTH but rather he was now one of four senior members on a team made up of some of the country's best oncologists. He also told her he had been attending the meetings of a group aimed specifically at those having a hard time coming to terms with their grief.

"It wasn't until after I had been attending the meetings for a couple of months that I realized I wasn't angry with House anymore. I'm not saying that all the anger I feel about what happened is gone because it's not. I've just come to realize it wasn't House's fault. He couldn't have predicted the bus crash or even that Amber would follow him on it." He rubbed his neck again. "In any case, I don't hate him. I hate that it happened and that she died, but I don't hate him for it."

Cuddy nodded, "I'm glad you're starting to come to terms with what happened enough to find something that closely resembles peace," she paused, unsure whether or not she should continue.

Wilson encouraged her, "Go on."

"James, you said you don't hate House for what happened but... have you forgiven him for it?"

"What is there to forgive?" he asked and held up his hand when it looked like she was about explain what she meant. "What I meant is, I know it was an accident, something that was out of his and everyone's control. If anything I should be the one seeking his forgiveness for asking him to endanger his life to save Amber's."

Wilson wanted to laugh at his statement because he already knew the futility of seeking House's forgiveness. Once you had wronged him, there was never going back with House. He didn't do forgiveness because, once he did, it implied he was also giving you a second chance to hurt him. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I should leave before he wakes up. Seeing me now wouldn't help with his recovery and would probably only hinder any progress." He sighed. "I'm not going back in his room so just tell everyone I said goodbye, would you?"

Cuddy nodded. "Of course."

"If at any moment you think it'll do more good than harm, tell House. . . to get better and stop scaring the people who love him like this."

"I'll tell him," she promised. "You know you'll be welcomed here if you ever decide you want to come back."

Wilson was touched by what she had said but he knew he'd never be able to come back to live in Princeton, much less ever work in this hospital again. It'd hurt too much to walk these halls again on a regular basis. Still, he realized maybe she had hope he would one day come back or maybe she knew her offer had been a wasted effort. Not wanting to hurt her if she still hoped she'd see him return, he only smiled at her saying, "Thank you."

Cuddy pulled him into a hug, "Try to find some happiness again, James, and please take care of yourself."

A lump quickly formed in his throat making it difficult for him to speak anything besides a two word response, "You too." He then pulled out of her arms, pausing only long enough to lightly kiss her cheek before turning around. He had meant to leave the room as fast as his legs would carry him but he stopped when his hand touched the door knob. Instead of opening the door, he released the handle, and turned halfway back to her, "Lisa, can I ask you one more thing before I leave?"

Cuddy nodded.

"Has House ever shared with you the reason why he was getting drunk in the middle of the afternoon?" But there was no verbal response from her. One look into Cuddy's eyes and Wilson had his answer. "He did tell you."

Cuddy only nodded a silent confirmation to his statement. She thought about the moment when House had shared with her the reason why he had been drinking so heavily in the middle of the afternoon. In true House fashion, he had chosen the most random and unpredictable moment to share it with her and what he said had made her heart ache for him.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** This chapter begins a series of flashbacks as Cuddy tells Wilson about what happened after he left.

Also this is the point in the story where things will begin turning towards a Huddy friendly direction so if Huddy isn't your thing you may not want to read any further.

**-- chapter eight**

_After Wilson was gone it hadn't taken Cuddy or anyone else long to notice the effect his departure had had on House. Cuddy had fully expected House to lash out with increased sarcasm and biting comments, making her life and the lives of his team more miserable in the process. She had been prepared for House's version of a tantrum and his pouting like a two year who had been denied a cookie just before dinner._

_  
Now that Cuddy had the advantage of hindsight she wished he had reacted in the way they'd all predicted because if he had then at least he still would have been House and not the stranger who answered to his name._

_  
In the first week after Wilson left, the first change Cuddy had noticed was that House actually began to show up at work on time each morning. The next thing she noted as different was that he went to work in the clinic everyday for a solid week without the presenting in protest to her even the slightest rude or even lewd comment until his team got a new patient. Furthermore she also knew he wasn't being rude to any of the clinic patients because she receive not one complaint from anyone he saw during that time._

_Then over the next three days as they worked to diagnose their patient, House had listened while his team hashed things out in the differentials but didn't contribute to the discussion in his usual style. He used a simple "no" instead of his usual sarcasm and insults to let them know when they were wrong. Other than that, the only other time he only spoke was when he ordered the next round of tests. _

_  
If this had been a normal situation Cuddy would been beside herself with happiness that House was for once finally doing his job in a manner that came as close to being professional as she had ever seen from him. Under normal circumstances Cuddy would be happy that for once House wasn't making some kind of trouble or making her life in general more difficult than it needs to be. But after one look into House's eyes, Cuddy found she could feel no satisfaction because his eyes were as lifeless as they had been just after the infarction and Stacy's leaving him._

_  
Two days after House had discharged his patient Cuddy decided she couldn't stand to see him so lost in his loneliness any longer. So she just walked into his office one day during a time she knew for a fact his team was occupied elsewhere, told him she was taking him out to dinner that evening, and said she wouldn't take take for an answer. Cuddy had expected more of a response from him besides a silent nod but it was the only one all she received. She couldn't help but feel disappointment when he didn't tell her where to get off or make some kind of suggestive remark. _

_  
She was more worried about him than ever before._

_  
She had decided she'd leave straight from the hospital with him instead of letting House go home first. She knew if she gave him the chance to go home House would just hole himself up in his apartment. She was right of course because if he had been given the chance House would have locked himself in and ignored her for the rest of the night._

_  
Cuddy had all her unfinished work packed up and ready to leave with her 15 minutes before 5 o'clock because she had a suspicion House might actually leave early to avoid keeping the dinner "date" with her. She was truly surprised that she didn't see him limping past her door until 5:01PM. Since she already had her coat on and her attaché bag._

_  
Cuddy had decided that they were try out the new Greek restaurant that had just opened near the hospital about a month ago. She had heard many different people say that the spanakotyropita was to die for and she thought now was a good time as any to try it. The restaurant was so close by they hospital they could have walked over to it instead of driving, and Cuddy knew such a walk probably would have been better for House. But as she fell into step beside him and saw that he was limping more heavily than usual she decided against making the suggestion. Cuddy was grateful she hadn't had to expand any energy to get House into her car but she was worried because he was way too quiet, not fighting her back on anything._

_Once they were at the restaurant things weren't any better or less awkward. House ignored any attempts at conversation she made with him and he only spoke to order a drink when the waitress came. At Cuddy's insistence he eventually ordered actual some food that he picked at more than he ate. The only part of the meal House showed any interest in was the drinks he was consuming one behind the other in rapid succession._

_  
When Cuddy actually commented that he wouldn't be able to drive himself home if he didn't slow down on them, House said the longest sentence he'd said all night. Cuddy knows she really shouldn't be shocked by what he says but never the less she finds herself gaping at him when he says, "I'll take the bus."_

_  
If his words weren't already a little slurred at that point Cuddy might have left right then in frustrated disgust. Instead she sighed while she pulls out enough money to cover the dinner check and says, "Could you try to be something besides an insensitive jackass for once in your life?"_

_  
There was a hateful gleam in House's eye, and his voice dripped with venom when he retorted, "You're the one who invited me to have dinner in a Greek restaurant, Cuddy. So you tell me which of us is the more insensitive one?"_

_  
It took Cuddy a few seconds of thinking to understand what he had meant by that barb, and her face soften a bit with the realization. "Oh, House, I'm sorry I didn't think."_

_  
"I know you didn't think," he snapped._

_'Be careful what you wish for because you might get it.' Never had Cuddy regretted more not heeding this advice as she did right at this moment. A few hours ago she had actually wished House would show some signs of acting like himself again. But there was a major difference from his normal snark and the belligerence in his voice he was now aiming at her. She watched House pop a few Vicodin before he slowly got up on his feet looking down at her. _

_  
"Look, Cuddy, I don't need you to now act like you give a crap now about how lonely or miserable I am just because Wilson finally decided I'm not worth ruining his life over anymore. I'll put this in simple terms so you'll be sure to understand it. The next time you invite me to have dinner with you, you'll be having dinner alone. Do not bother me again."_

__

Cuddy knew as she watched him limping out of the restaurant leaning heavily on his new dull cane that was so unlike him, she knew should have been angry at what he had said. But what she felt for him instead was an aching sorrow that penetrated to her very core. She knew everyone who knew House would say that he had chosen to make the lonely bed he now found himself in and she should leave him be. Some would say she should leave him along to find his way out the pain or drown in it. But in the Cuddy knew just couldn't stand by while he drowned because it would mean the death of her own heart along with his.

**A/N 2:** If you don't get the reason why House said what he said leave me a comment and I'll include a note in the next chapter. Oh and please review while you're at it.


	9. Chapter 9

**-- chapter nine**

_In the weeks that followed Cuddy's disastrous dinner with House, things went as normally as they had since Wilson had left except House refused to speak to Cuddy. Any time she had tried to talk to him about anything personal, he either outright ignored her or he had kept himself with clinic duty and even with finishing up some his backed up paperwork. After House made it clear he wasn't going to acknowledge her in any real capacity as a person, Cuddy dropped her attempts to get him to talk about anything that wasn't related to work._

_  
Things between them stayed that way for the next three weeks when House called into work one morning saying he was sick was with a stomach virus and he should be back to work on Monday. Cuddy had been unable to stop herself from making an offer to drop off some anti-nausea medication and ginger ale. House's reply to her is so harsh Cuddy finds herself blinking back hurt tears that quickly change into anger. She tells him fine then, that she'd see him on Monday before she ended the call with a little more force than necessary by putting the phone down hard into the receiver._

_  
The anger Cuddy had felt quickly dissipated which allowed the initial hurt she felt to return full force in its wake. Her heart was made heavier with the thought of House's own hurt. Cuddy knew he had yet to get over the hurt from Wilson ending their friendship or his shutting House out of his life because they were no longer friends. Cuddy wished not for the first time since she's known House he'd talk about his feelings instead of bottling them all up inside where they could eat away at him like a cancer. But wishing he would open up wasn't going to make it happen so Cuddy finally pushed thoughts of House out her mind, and got busy with running her hospital._

_  
Cuddy resists any temptations she had felt to check up on House over the weekend because she knew he wouldn't appreciate her efforts. The stinging from the memory of Friday's phone conversation also keeps her away since she doesn't think she can take his deliberate cruelty again so soon. On Monday morning ten minutes after House was suppose to have arrived for work already, Cuddy called up to diagnostics and was surprised when one of his team answered instead. "Dr. Kutner, when he gets in tell Dr. House I want to see him in my office."_

_Even though she couldn't see him Kutner nodded, "All right. Will do." After hanging up the phone, Cuddy opened up one of the reports on her desk deciding she'd get some work done while she waited for House. It was only after one hour, five reports, and a thirty-five minute conversation with a hospital donor later Cuddy realized House still hadn't come to her office. She picked up her phone and started to dial House's office but then stopped when she decided to walk up to diagnostics instead. She was reasonably sure Kutner delivered her message to House the moment he had walked in the door and she even more sure House was in a foul enough mood to have ignored the request._

_  
But she walked into diagnostics to see Thirteen sorting through House's mail while Foreman was pouring over some files at the conference table. Cuddy sighed before she asked, "Where's House?"_

_  
Foreman looked up at her, "As far as I know he hasn't come in yet."_

_  
"Do we have a new patient?" Thirteen asked from her seat at House's desk._

_  
Cuddy shook her head, and glanced at her watch. She felt some disappointment when she saw the time was 11:43. Almost noon. Cuddy walked over to House's desk, picked up the phone, and dialed his home phone number. Eight rings later Cuddy hung up when neither House or his answering machine had answered. Foreman had joined them in the office as she said, "He's not answering."_

_  
"Maybe someone should go over there to check on him," Thirteen suggested._

_  
Foreman rolled his eyes, shook his head, and turned to go back to the conference table._

_"What?"_

_  
"House is probably playing one of his games," Foreman shot back._

_  
"Or House was wrong about it being a simple 48 hour virus and is sicker than he expected," Thirteen countered._

_  
They all knew that it also could be an episode of breakthrough in his leg though none of them said it. Instead Cuddy made the decision and voiced it before either of them could say anything else. "Someone should go check on House."_

_  
"I'll go," Thirteen volunteered, saving Foreman the necessity of having to make an excuse as to why he couldn't go._

_  
Cuddy nodded, "Thank you, Dr. Hadley." She went out in the corridor to wait while Thirteen traded her lab coat for the jacket she had worn in, and stepped out into the corridor too._

_  
Surprise crossed Thirteen's face as she asked, "Dr. Cuddy, is there something wrong?"_

_  
"No, there's nothing wrong, but I need to see you in my office before you leave." Thirteen nodded and wordlessly followed Cuddy to her office. Once there Cuddy went to her desk where she took out a key. "If you're going to check on House you'll probably need this to get inside the door."_

_  
"House gave you a key to his apartment?" Thirteen asked, puzzlement clear in her voice._

_  
Cuddy shook her head, and handed her the key, "No, the key belonged to Dr. Wilson. He gave it to me before he. . . left town."_

_  
Thirteen raised an eyebrow at the mention of Wilson's name but took the key without further comment. "I'll let you know what I find out."_

_  
"Thank you." _


	10. Chapter 10

This chapter betaed by the lovely bbonomania and medical stuff ran by drstrangelove12 and any medical errors that remain are mine!

**-- chapter ten**

_Fifteen minutes later, Thirteen was standing outside the locked door of House's apartment. Her knuckles had quickly become raw and sore from the knocking she'd been doing since she'd arrived. "House, open the door! House!" With one last painful rapt on the door, Thirteen swore under her breath at the newly formed wound on her knuckles and made the decision to use the key Cuddy had given her. Even as she stuck the key into the lock, Thirteen knew she very well might be wasting her time since she hadn't yet heard anything from within the apartment. Once the door was unlocked Thirteen took a moment to ready herself for anything House might say or do and then she quietly went in. _

_Once the door was unlocked Thirteen took a moment to ready herself for anything House might say or do and then she quietly opened the door. The place was a wreck with several various takeout cartons littering the room, with several looking as though they were weeks old. Several beer cans along with a few whiskey bottles were laid here or there, and shredded sheets of music paper had been rained all over the place as well._

_The smell of vomit permeated the air._

_Before she had time to really consider what this could mean, a low groan interrupted her thoughts. Her attention went immediately to the couch where the sound had come from. She crossed the room in a few careful steps, and as she neared it she understood why she hadn't seen him when she first entered the room._

_However she was surprised by the shredded paper she found because it was sheet music. However she wasn't given a long time to wonder why House did this because a low groan drew her attention to the couch. "House?" As she neared the couch she discovered why she hadn't seen him when she first came in. _

_Thirteen looked down on House's large frame contorted in the fetal position, both hands clutching his damaged thigh. He was pale, covered in sweat and she saw puddles of drying vomit on the floor in front of the couch and as carefully as she could she moved around to the front of the couch, just avoiding them. House still hadn't acknowledged her presence so she cautiously extended a hand to check his pulse. She was alarmed when she felt how high it was, "House?" _

_Thirteen really didn't wait for a response from him but went into action, searching the apartment for a blanket. Since she didn't know where House kept the extras she just grabbed the one she could find right off his bed, and returned to the living room. She covered House with it, wishing she could elevate his legs too but knew that was impossible until he was given something for the pain. She checked his pulse one more time before reaching for the phone._

"_Nine one one. What is your emergency?"_

"_This is Dr. Remy Hadley from Princeton-Plainsboro. I need an ambulance at this address right away. I've got a chronic pain patient who is experiencing breakthrough pain and has gone into shock. He is also tachycardiac." Once the dispatcher confirmed the ambulance was eight minutes out, Thirteen hung up and went to look for any injectable painkillers she could give House._

_She headed to the bathroom first, dialing Cuddy's number as she walked and she wasn't surprised when it was answered on the very first ring._

"_How's House?" Cuddy blurted without preamble._

_Thirteen wasted no time, "Do you know if House has any morphine in his apartment?"_

"_What?"_

_Thirteen had finished her whirlwind search of the bathroom, and found everything she would expect in a bachelor's pad (although the rubber ducky was a surprise) but nothing she could use. She decided she'd only search House's bedroom as a last result, and started back toward the front of the apartment. "Does House have _any _morphine here?"_

_Cuddy paused, worried why she was asking about whether or not House had any morphine, especially since she had yet to specify what was wrong. "Dr. Hadley, what_ is _wrong with House?"_

_Cuddy's tone stopped Thirteen cold in her tracks. She looked at House still in clear agony on the couch as she answered the question. "House is unresponsive and is in shock from breakthrough leg pain which seems to have been made worse by the fact he is also in detox, which is why I need to know if he has anything stronger than ibuprofen!"_

_Cuddy knew House had kept morphine in his apartment before the incident with Tritter but she wasn't sure about since then. The vindictive detective had confiscated the morphine along with the Vicodin stash House had accumulated and after it had all been over Cuddy had never asked if he'd replaced it because she didn't want to know. "If he has any I don't know where he keeps it."_

"_Then he'll just have to wait for the EMTs to get here." Thirteen glanced at her watch. "The ambulance is still four minutes out. I'll do what I can until they arrive."_


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: **You might all get a bit frustrated about where this chapter leaves off but I decided to give you this bit while I continue to try to write the next part. IF I ever get the next part done it's good news because it means most of Chapter 11 is done, thus the story.

Forgive any errors you see as I didn't quite run this buy my beta before posting it.

**-- chapter eleven**

"_Then he'll just have to wait for the EMTs to get here." Thirteen glance at her watch. "The ambulance is still four minutes out. I'll do what I can until they arrive." _

Cuddy was waiting for the ambulance when it arrived at the ER with Cameron standing beside her. She kept her silence as Thirteen relinquished the gurney to the waiting team and filled Cameron in on the details that she knew. The moment she began to walk away from there Cuddy said above the noise, "Dr. Hadley, my office." She let the word _now_ remain implied since she thought it would be better not to make the younger woman feel like she was the naughty student being summoned to the principal's office especially since she hadn't done anything more than Cuddy had asked her to do.

But the eyes of those were unoccupied were glued on Thirteen's back all the way to Cuddy's door, and they did not look away until she had disappeared inside of the dean's office.

Cuddy was seated behind her desk and she waited until the door had been closed by Thirteen before speaking, "Judging from what you told the ER team, I'd say House did not overdose on Vicodin."

Thirteen crossed her arms, "No, he didn't. He was in too much pain for it to be an overdose, and in fact I'm almost sure he didn't even know I was there until after I have given him the injection of morphine."

Cuddy sighed and motioned for her to sit down in one of the chairs across from her desk, "Tell me exactly what you saw over there."

*/*

Once Cuddy had finished her conversation with Thirteen, she decided it would be for the best if she waited for a few hours to pass before she tried to talk to House. She still had plenty of work she needed to finish for that day including meeting with the oncologist she was considering as Wilson's replacement, something she knew she had put off for far too long already.

"Welcome to Princeton Plainsboro, Dr. Xanthopoulos," Cuddy said reaching across her desk to offer the other doctor her hand.

Dr. Xanthopoulos shook her hand and stood, "Thank you, Dr. Cuddy. If that is all, and if it is fine with you I would like to use the rest of today and tomorrow to familiarize myself with the department I'll be running." She notice something pass over Cuddy's face.

"There is one more thing I need to talk to you about," she said and waited for the oncologist to sit back down. Dr. Xanthopoulos sat down, kept her silence, and waited for Cuddy to speak. "Your office is located on the fourth floor next to our Diagnostics department." Dr. Xanthopoulos gave her a look that asked her to continue on. "Dr. Wilson, the former head of the Oncology department, was friends with Dr. House who heads the Diagnostics department."

"I still do not understand how me taking over the Oncology department would be a problem."

Cuddy sighed, "I won't go into the exact circumstances but the problem is this, Dr. Xanthopoulos. When Dr. Wilson left this hospital, he and Dr. House were not on the best of terms."

"I see. You think Dr. House may not like my not only using his former friend's office or taking over in Dr. Wilson's position as head of the department."

Cuddy nodded, "Yes."

"I don't understand the source of your concern, Dr. Cuddy, but one would hope that Dr. House will accept my presence with some degree of professionalism." When she said that Cuddy knew the oncologist must not be aware of House's reputation and she was torn about whether or not she should warn her. In the end Cuddy decided to not warn her and allowed the woman to be on her way to get familiar with the department she'd be heading up.

When she said that Cuddy knew the oncologist must not be aware of House's reputation and she was torn about whether or not she should warn her. In the end Cuddy decided to not warn her because she'd learn soon enough either by the hospital rumor mill or from personal experience. She just prayed if the knowledge came by first hand experience House wouldn't chase her off with whatever it was he'd wind up doing.

Five minutes after Dr. Xanthopoulos left her office Cuddy left her office, heading towards the room where she knew House had been assigned to upon admittance to the hospital. When she got to the floor she knew he was awake and already being a problem for the nurses when she saw the exasperated look on their faces. She left their eyes following her as she walked to the room's door, and opened it. She decided the nurses didn't need to witness this conversation with House and closed the blinds accordingly.


	12. FINAL AUTHOR'S nOTE

I am sorry to say that more than likely this story will never be finished as I've lost my interest in writing House fics as well as my medical beta. I also have had the worst case of writer's block for a good portion of this year, the kind where **NO IDEAS** are coming to me for anything anymore and although I do know where this story was heading when it started, like I said I lost my medical beta sometime back (had a doctor helping me too) and I'm just don't want to try to find one now.

Thanks to everyone who read, commented, or subscribed to this story - your support was appreciated and cherished more than you know!


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